Q: I have a Board member who monopolizes meetings with long, micro-managing questions on pieces of business that have nothing to do with her role. (It’s the ED’s job to do much of what she presses on about, and the ED is doing a great job.) This person makes Board meetings very tedious – so much so that other Board Members are becoming disillusioned about coming to meetings.  Who should speak with her on this behavior? And what may be some good opening words?

A: Good for you for taking action. This kind of disruptive behavior is often ignored. But as you’re seeing, the consequences can be far reaching.

With Board members, peer to peer communication is often most effective. If possible, ask a fellow Board member to address this issue. If that is not an option, identify a senior staff member with whom she has a good working relationship. Whoever does the talking, this should be a one-on-one conversation that takes place in a neutral setting.

When you sit down with her:

• Begin by genuinely acknowledging her commitment to the organization. No matter how disruptive her behavior, it likely comes from a desire for the organization to be its best. “I appreciate your commitment to _____. It’s clear you care about getting this done right.” 
• Ask about her concerns, and listen closely to her response. In order to diffuse her disruptive behavior, you’ll need to understand what’s driving it. “You seem to be concerned about ____. Tell me what’s worrying you.” 
• If she’s missing information about what is being done behind the scenes to address her worries, fill her in. “We’re concerned about ___, too. Here’s what we’re doing to make sure it’s right.” 
• Name your own concerns. Now that you understand what she wants, share your own desires.
• Ask her to help you design a solution that meets both your needs. “It is important that this effort is successful. I want you to feel confident that the staff is managing it well so we can focus Board meetings on higher level issues. How can we make that happen?” 

By acknowledging, listening, and making her a partner in the solution, you’ll develop a foundation for more productive communications and less tedious Board meetings. Good luck!

My daughter requested Harold and the Purple Crayon before bedtime recently. It had been a challenging day, during which we both struggled to contain our frustration with the others’ lack of understanding. Why could she not listen and put on her shoes when I asked? Why could I not let her follow her impulse to play instead of demanding we get in the car already?

As the story of the boy and his adventures unfolded, I became aware of a theme: each moment in our lives presents a choice. Harold draws a straight path for himself (so as not to get lost), then decides to veer off in a different direction. After frightening himself with the dragon he’s created, he finds himself submerged in the ocean and quickly creates a boat that sails to shore. He is quick thinking and open to possibilities. And at each turn, he makes a choice that affects whether he moves ahead or gets caught in the turmoil.

It was a pointed reminder that not only do we get to choose how we respond to each challenge and opportunity, it is our job as leaders to make that choice consciously and well. What if instead of choosing struggle I chose gratitude? Or laughter? Turns out laughter doesn’t get us to our appointment any sooner. But I have a partner in getting there, and we’re smiling when we arrive.

Who are you butting heads with? And what choices can you make about how to manage yourself and that relationship?

Nonprofit leaders (no matter what their title) care so much about their organization and its mission, they put a tremendous amount of energy into making sure it stays strong in spite of challenging conditions.

If this sounds like you, it can feel like walking headlong into a strong wind: so much work just to stay upright, let alone move forward.

And all that effort may leave you feeling so exhausted that one day you find you’re neither able nor willing to get up and do it all again.

What if, instead of getting run down, you could transform those winds into a source of power for yourself and your community?

Partnering with a coach can provide the support and motivation you need to build your own personal equivalent of a wind farm. Together, we’ll discover what gets your fires burning and design a system to deliver fuel on a regular basis.

I offer one-on-one coaching as well as strategic planning and team building workshops to help you:

• Strengthen your ability to lead – no matter where you stand in the organizational hierarchy.
• Stop wasting time and other precious resources by clarifying your vision and aligning all of your actions accordingly.
• Identify and reconnect to your passion and your strengths.
• Create and sustain a high functioning, communicative team.
• Discover a healthy balance between work and personal life.

Take a breath. Step out of the storm, and call me for a free consultation.